mew.

if i were a boy, i would wear loafers
every single day, but not the sort
with tassels because i know that
you don’t really like
things with tassels. and
i would be studying
to be an english professor
but i wouldn’t mind
that you were going to be
a doctor. because that’s what you love
and science and literature really do
go well together.

if i were a boy, we would be married
in las vegas, because
both of us are poor
and you do not like things to be
a great to-do. and you
would wear a white dress or
even overalls. because you
would be the most beautiful bride
either way to me.

if i were a boy, i would buy you
a little house in a little forest
and we would live there
with our big dog and our
three children. and when
it was time for you to have our
little girl, i would rush into
the hospital room, and all the nurses
would be jealous. because
their families will never
be a happy as ours.

and if i were a boy, i would be your boy.

An Unbelievably Sad Lady

That is what I am. It is a sadness that no amount of The Gilmore Girls and off-brand pixie stixs can cure.

I just thought I would put that out there.

Update!

I have started a new blog dedicated to the best/worst/most interesting things of my day.

look for it at threethingsperday.wordpress.com

Best, worst, most interesting.

Part one

best:

i picked up two hippies on the side of the road. they were carrying a kitten and several hundred dollars worth of mushrooms.

worst:

sick sick sick.

most interesting:

scraping dried blood off of a hobo’s ear.

Tune in next time for the best, worst, and most interesting moments of tomorrow!

I am currently obsessed with:

a) Bradley Hathaway

In particular, the songs Our Love Was Good, and Look Up, and the poem annoyinghxcdudewhogoestoofar.

b) The song Jesus Christ by Brand New

Jesus Christ, I’m not afraid to die, I’m a little afraid of what comes after.

c) Flowers

I steal them from people’s gardens. No, really.

d) Dancing

I can.

e) Dresses

I’m a lady.

f) Smoking

Which is odd, because I don’t.

g) My bicycle

Riding a bike makes you a million times cuter, for one thing. And it is hella fun.

If every day were this day.

“Liar.”

“You wish I was lying.”

“I do not wish, I know.”

“Damn. You’re right.”

“I generally am.”

“Liar.”

“You wish I was lying.”

“I don’t wish, I know.”

“Well I have decided to sleep with my anthropology professor.”

“Why?”

“He looks like Hugh Laurie.”

“You really do have good taste.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you going to tell him about your criminal record?”

“No.”

“Good plan.”

Alpha, Beta, Gamma.

Today I discovered that I have somehow misplaced the Greek alphabet in my mind. It was a distressing discovery, to be sure. I try not to forget anything. Well, anything of importance, that is. Keys and wallets are one thing, alphabets and facts, they are something entirely different.You never really lose things like that, merely forget how to access them. It is a comforting thought.

dirty footprints in the sink.

legs twitch, back pressed against a cold window, doors slamming down the hall, i leave -

I feel somehow better after seeing a room full of psychiatrists torn to shreds by a werewolf.

Feel free to tell me if this is a bad thing. I just really, really hate psychology. It is a subjective guessing game that cannot hold a proverbial candle to true, objective, empirical sciences. But that is another rant for another time.

I promised a report on the Wolfman remake, and here it is. It was a ridiculous, budget film with more gore than story, and a weak attempt at being profound. It was such a terrible movie. It was delightful. I have not been so amused in a very long time. The rest of the people in the theater (all ten of them) were highly displeased with me and Daniel for laughing hysterically throughout the entire film, but really, what sensible person wouldn’t laugh at this movie? To give you an example of the amusement that awaits anybody willing to pay six dollars, I give you this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9VCpKDj6m4 To avoid having to sit through this person’s awful recording, skip right to 2:58. The only part that matters is that the older wolfman gets lit on fire, slashed, and decapitated. No, that part does not even matter so much, the part that matters in that, when his head rolls across the floor, the camera lingers on his, now human, mouth opening and closing. I’m sorry, but that it so bad, it is hysterical.

By now, you have probably realized why I am not a movie reviewer. I will leave you in peace, or at least as peaceful as you can be after than last set of images.

Wolfman vs. Tractor Man

So, here I sit, in the bed of my friend Haru*, wondering if the Tractor Man is still wandering the downstairs. Because, see, I really want to go to physics, but I really do not want to see him. This is a man who believes that he is the supreme authority on everything. Honestly, he would try to tell me about neuroscience and poetry. On an unrelated note, I am going to see the Wolfman remake with my friend Dan** today, I predict it will be pretty awful, but it does have Emily Blunt so I have that to look forward to. I will give a full report of the movie at a later date.

*names changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent.

**except this one, it is real.